I remembered I was feeling quite okay this morning. I even woke up earlier and took a bath. FYI, I don't bathe in the morning and only bathe once a day usually.
Also, because I am still trying to do things the youthful way, I've been wanting to embrace and enjoy campus life, since that's what students (YOUNGSTERS) are doing right?
I seemed quite friendly and cheery throughout the day (I think?), but the moment I reached home at night, I felt a gush of sadness. Even though nothing really bad happened in the day, this depression got me. I have no idea why either. I just felt that I do not belong in school.
There are so many young people there I felt so out of place. Everybody looked so beautiful and young and hyped up and I just felt like I'm a fat, oily and ugly piece of shit.
I wanted to pay attention in class but the helplessness hits in when I couldn't catch up with the content. Everybody is so knowledgeable and talented I just felt like I'm at the wrong place.
It's not like I didn't try to appreciate going to school. I tried my best, I really put in my heart to embrace school today, but to uncover the sadness deep in there after the entire day. As if that wasn't enough, I said the meanest thing to my father. I am the worst daughter in the world.
My father asked about my school today and how I felt. I answered him without any hesitation, "不爽不好。不好玩。"
Before he could ask what happened, I quickly entered the bathroom and took a shower. Imagine paying all that money to provide a holistic education for your daughter and this is the kind of attitude you get in return. I'm such a loser I know. People in the developing countries are dying to go to school and here I am bitching and complaining. Thinking of this makes me feel more depressed. Why am I not happy with what I have now?
School always never turn out to be the way I wanted. Freaking sad I have no idea why I'm such a spoilt brat.
4 comments:
Perhaps you can apologise to your dad?
I feel dissatisfied when attending school as well, due to me being talent-less at it.That's why I'm going to change courses. But I do look forward to the activities with friends.
You look fine btw, so just go for a run/gym every now and then. :)
Jiejie . Dun so emo arhhs ! If u say u are the worst daughter in the world , doesnt that makes me a worst-est daughter? Be more positive kays? Be yourself is the most prettiest thing . People see ur heart & not by ur look ! Cheer up !!! (:
Weeliat- Thank you. Even I really think it's tough, I'm trying my best to love school. This is the final semester.... So far so good laaaa not many bad things happened yet hahaha. Friends are really quite impt in school!
Manling- omg u stalk me hahahha. U so cute ah ownself Everytime emo now it's your turn to say me. But you're getting better each day really amazed by the amt of effort u put in for your exams! I will enjoy my final poly life and you'll get through sec sch life too. But I cannot deny that you're still one xiaolianzx_97 hahahahahha
Haha . Xiaolianzx_97 also can become guaikia_97 one hor ! Haha . Jiayou & finish ur poly life happily ^^ Goodluck (:
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