It's crazy how our minds fickle so much

I flunked my audition today but it was amazing that I didn't feel so sad about it. Some things are just not meant to be. Like I always say, passion, talent, and ability are 3 different factors altogether. I have been holding onto this for so many years. Sometimes I even doubt myself in terms of my so-called dreams/ambitions. There were times when I had no ambitions at all (that is when you don't include "being a taitai" is a valid ambition) but there were also times when I wanted to do so many different things at the same time. After a while, I am thrown back to square one, where thoughts do not co-exist with my actions. 

Now I am looking into a pot of piping hot water. I can vaguely see a coin at the bottom of the pot. Unsure of how much the coin is worth, I don't think I can bring myself to jump into it. What is the point of struggling so much for something which I do not even know the worthiness of. Worst case scenario might be a pot of nothingness but one injured soul here. 

One option gone. More options will be vanishing gradually as I grow up. 

No, maybe we are not giving up our initial dreams as we grow older with heavier responsibilities. Instead, we discover, adapt, and eventually found something that equates to passion + ability which stabilizes our lives as we settle down. We cannot run forever, right? 

Yesterday while I was in the cab with my colleague on our way home, I realised how freaking fortunate I am to be me. She is 27 years old, working her life away because she needs the money to survive. Financially, there is no choice. Repayment of education loans, her brother's education, and the responsibility to support her parents are all financial burdens on her alone. Whatever it is, she is still a graduate from a prestigious local uni. But it seems like life isn't being easy even with a degree. No time to go out, no time to pick up a hobby, no time to find boyfriend. What is worse? All her girlfriends are single too. Wth? The last thing I would wanna see myself in 7 years' time. Imagine me and my girlfriends drinking at a bar, reminiscing the past, catching up with each others' life (nothing but all work), self-deceiving each other that we are forever young, and lastly, toasting up to our single lives, constantly chanting that all men are jerks and we do not need them in our independent lives. Noooooooo!!

I'm really super fortunate to be here, thinking about books and booze and nothing else. Even though I complained about my dog life (referring to my 7-days work week schedule), I don't deny I lead a good life. (Just that my mom, my bro and my sis lead better lives) :X