我想念的...

原来我曾经那么迷恋一个人

我想念的是当时的我们

更想念的是可以放胆迷恋的自己

那种感觉真好 但其实我不稀罕

现在好自由 好自在 没负担 不需要给谁什么交代

我 得 习 惯

我 得 享 受

没有你握着我的手

慢性自杀

我回来了

18nov

If I can't find happiness in a place, why is leaving considered running away? 

Even if I find peace within myself, I don't see how this is a solution. 

Anyway, 

Today is the grand opening of Nanatang, my friend's baby, and my inspiration. 

Today is also the start of my 13-days Philippines trip, my final "run away" of 2017.

梦为努力浇了水

好好成长呗小努力！

Tgim, a super awesome day.

Woke up with an alarm but discipline went back to sleep. Nevertheless, I woke up earlier than usual, feeling like I slept in.

Brewed myself a cup of Gigesha it was the best so far, but I used up all my beans already. At least the last cup was a good cup. 

The caffeine kicked in, went for a poop and started making matcha craquelin for my puffs next week! I'm making matcha puffs next :)) 

Finished up the speculoos cheesecake, showered to get rid of my butter fingers (lol!) and went to work. 

Free laksa, friends came to visit, jy bought aeropress and porlex (good move!), good training session with Misha, super filling supper, and free pies to take home, comfortable bus ride home, touching songs from kkbox on the bus, short crow practice, and more good playlists from kkbox. My heart is full.

我今天真的真心的感到很开心 

这样的感觉 我要铭记

Monday. My first attempt at this nobake speculoos cheesecake.

Today's joke at work that made me laughed so hard. Thanks for taking the joke Mr Lee.

Closing feast.

Fahmi feeding me prawns and his beautiful face potentially his new dp.

Oh yes, how can I miss out red wine on such a good day? ;-)

Irony of life

Coffee has been really good these days. Morning calibration has never been easier. A cuppa is a masterpiece by many different artists, farmers to roasters to baristas. Should not just credit the front line barista or put them down from having that one cup of coffee. Joefel is an awesome roaster. That's why made my job easier keke. What I didn't know was that he reads up a lot, goes around interacting and learning from industry friends. He wants to make it work and the results are showing. Work is enjoyable despite operation hiccups. I find it amazing that some of us are prepared to flare up, yet welcome the slam to let this happen. Is it some kind of self-torture?

SGH is a short walk away and visiting Sebas after shift almost everyday made me think a lot about life. Especially recently that I finished reading Murakami's Norwegian Woods - covering a lot on the ugly side of life (mostly mental illness, suicide, death). True enough, death is not the end of life, but a part of life. Part and parcel, got to take it easy. How? When it comes to losing something FOREVER, I'm pretty sure all of us are reluctant.

I tried to take it easy, thinking that despite whatever shit/glamorous life one lived, once gone, nothing's left. It's a selfish thinking for one self. Memories stick to the people who move on in life, but not to the passing member.

Not sure if this is the triggering factor, but I have since made peace with myself. When I move on, I want to journey with a healthy soul, relaxed face and happy heart. For that, I will start feeding myself the right energy so that when the day comes, I have no regrets.

grab a hitch

Other than working my way through the slams at the cafe, I completed 3 hitch rides over the long weekend.

I get to park along Kampong Bahru for free on Sundays and PHs, so usually I would drive if I had the car to myself. 

Sent someone to the church on Sunday morning. Monday's session was more interesting. In the morning, I picked up a pretty girl from Bukit Panjang and sent her to National Library. She told me she's going there to study for her finals. I was the one who told her the library might be closed from what I remembered. True enough, it is really closed on PHs. But she was cool about it and completed the trip with me. 

Monday evening I picked up an ahmee boy from Bukit Merah, going to book in I reckon. Was already changing to PIE from AYE, he suddenly panicked and told me he forgot to bring an important document for his TP the following day. I wanted to drop him off the next exit, but guilt oh guilt. 

"you know what. let's make our way back."

He's lucky that I'm an angel. He got his stuffs and still managed to get to camp early. He gave me $10 as an appreciation and I was too tired to act so I just took it and said thanks. I hope he will pass his TP after so much effort. 

Interesting world out there don't you think?

movies

caught fast and furious after shift and before dinner yesterday. it was better than i had expected. it was more than just racing and cars.. this latest series not only covered the land, also the air and sea. creativity. some people play with cars, but fast and furious brought it to a whole new level. i love it!!!

went home and watch a movie recommended by jy. begin again. very comforting movie. good music good vibes. life. 

my folks went out of town again. quiet living on my own. bagels coffee train rides work kkbox wine. yea, i can get used to this. just lucky to be able to live a semi retired life at 25.

soundtrack on repeat.

25

happy birthday to me

3 days off.

星期天在家里种菇

星期一和妈妈去马国吃吃按摩做facial

星期二在家里泡咖啡吃抹茶bagel后，展开了新加坡东部自驾游，喝更多咖啡，吃了榜鹅椰浆饭，打麻将输了点零钱。

我太幸运了。

明天是我一周的开始。但是，yoga first！很期待。

more yoga classes, more coffee, jy is coming home, and payday! :)

Just a little sick

love sick.

date myself

近期的思绪：混杂门派剑法

Pretty easy to be affected by the surrounding voices. 

---

Had a morning shift today and was told that we weren't going to grandma's tonight. Decided to date myself on a Saturday night, which was the best treat to myself ever. 

Got myself a portable speaker, which I have been researching and testing out for a while now!! 

When I walked out of the shop holding the bag of speaker, I couldn't help it I smiled like a fool. 

Had a decent meal at Kim Gary and took a bus home before 11pm. 

Oh, was it because I had a super good piccolo latte made personally by the 1st runner up of SNBC this morning? 

good coffee is a mark of a good day. 

thai songs are so good i started listening to thai radio

here's a good one.

useful and useless

I'm sort of unemployed, but technically, I am always working when I'm in Singapore. The only period when I was really unemployed was when I was a student in Melbourne. Student responsibilities you know..

Needless to say we all work for that kachings, but also for the need to feel responsible. 

responsibilities = feeling important = usefulness

just a random thought when I was feeling useless in Indonesia. 

ironically, when at work, we yearn for the luxury to be carefree, free from responsibilities. 

that's when we book that promo flight out of Singapore impulsively on a quiet night.

out of sg, we feel inspired, recharged, and maybe thinking about that $1 teh tarik and plaster prata. 

sort of looking forward to be back at the workplace to be a self-fulfilling workaholic again.

and the cycle repeats. year after year. 

so this is to tell myself... 

IT IS ABSOLUTELY OKAY TO BE USELESS AT THE AGE OF 25 SINCE I'VE BEEN FEELING USEFUL FOR 24 YEARS. 

ok thoughts aside, skin is getting better after having some beer? damn weird but not complaining. :)

They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding.

Bleeding can go on... but the hives should stop spreading.

homebound. :\

有些爱很可笑

从前很爱新加坡的我... 现在却每分每刻都想逃跑。
从前最爱的农历新年假日... 现在却有点害怕，也想逃跑。

二十来年都是爱。这所谓的爱却在两、三年里渐渐不见，甚至更极端的转变成怒。

这样的爱真的很可笑。

从前很爱往好的方面想... 现在却有点忧郁。
从前很爱看一些激励人心的字句... 现在却产生了反感，甚至会怪罪在这些所谓的“哲学家”。
他们应该没苦过，才会轻言的捞出这番话吧。

太可笑。

Middle child syndrome is real :'(

Yep another reason to leave this place

life = radio + cafe

My favourite series from Monday's segment

Cake fridge lighting is pretty artistic!

In front of the cake fridge too wahahaha. my art director is Fahmi :)

but this is the most hipster socks...

Things my colleagues do that made my day/night :')

BBJLB (missing ninge) at 周兴哲's first live concert!

Weekly affair after yoga. Soy good latte & salmon kale.

Very intrigued by the new menu - Mentaiko pasta! (dinner service only)

Filming for 周二肚子饿

Tune in to YES 933 on 25oct (Tues) at 9pm to win Strangers' Reunion $50 voucher!

Not a big fan of bingsu, but this is soy good.

Jiayou 哥哥

Run to vivo and back for some feast

In the final week of me being a radio presenter. Some are happy that I'm off the chains, many told me not to give up easily. I listened to my heart and body, and tried my best to be open to what others have been telling me. I did not give up easily, I am sure I've tried my best. 10 months ago, I gave up my barista dream to start training. 3 months ago, the love of my life almost wanted to give up on me as I kickstart my (unofficial) full-time job with sg media monopoly. It was a long and tough journey and without passion, I wouldn't even have waited this long just to get the chance to start training. Without passion, I wouldn't close an eye and agreed to be taken advantage of. One month in, I felt the fatigue. Every single day, someone or something would stab right into my heart. Every single night, I had troubles sleeping. Every single second, I would want to vanish. Two months in, the business was real. I thought I was falling into depression... Anxiety, insomnia, no appetite, tears on cue, fatigue, lost interests... Seems like I'm in for some deep shit. Three months in, I know I'm more passionate towards the cafe culture, Charles, time for myself, time for family, and my passion for life calls for this decision. 

The decision to leave was just to save myself. 

You know how they have this saying As we grow older, we dream less. Looks like it's real. I guess I'm better off somewhere else. Goodbye radio. Another one down.

我想躲起来

被欺负了怎么感觉我欺人太盛?

This cognitive dissonance is driving me nuts

I can't work in the damned corporate world

I think I can't even survive in this society

I just need a clear blue sky and a cup of coffee

Need to feel hopeful, need to get my energy back, need to build up my self-esteem, need to have my appetite back, need to be able to relax and concentrate, need to be able to fall asleep. Somebody help..

狂

一切都会雨过天晴 好想赶快结束这一切 因为真的很不开心 也成就了周围的人也不开心 这样不值得 唯一值得的是山洞里有温度